Doctor: 'Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten fivepence pieces?'
Have you heard about the baby born in the high-tech delivery room? - It was cordless.
Real sick notes received by teachers:
'Doctor, doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.'
Doctor to patient: 'Your condition is so rare, we're not even sure we're pronouncing it right.
Tom: What's good for excessive wind, doctor?
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has
had major surgery to both of his hands.
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!
1st man: I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by
taking a thousand aspirin.
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Patient : These tablets have a very funny effect on my bowels.
Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client: "No Mrs Smith, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE!"
A former radiologist from Northern Ireland tells that years ago, kitted up in leaden apron and gloves, he was conducting a radiographic examination of a woman's abdomen.
Here's one that really did happen in our hospital. A very pretty Swedish medical student was admitted to the medical wards suffering from pneumonia. During the Professorial ward round the Houseman was asked to inspect the lady's chest for abnormal breath sounds. Having just come out of his final exam and remembering that one had to examine the chest free from clothes, he sheepishly asked the patient-medical student to undress and examined her with his stethoscope. All was going well until he noted that everybody was in hysterics and the Swedish medical student asked him if he might wish to listen to her lungs again, but this time with the stethoscope in his ears.
Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
Q. How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Q. What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon
Q. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
So this guy goes to the hospital and the doctor says that he's got this terrible disease and gave him six months to live.
The guy couldn't pay his bill in time, so the doctor gave him another six months!!!!!